When you were 16, did it ever cross your mind what type of mom you’d wanna be?

With raging teenage hormones, you’re likely to answer “I’m sure as hell not gonna be like my mother!”

And now, you probably could not be further from the truth! At least that’s me!

As I raise my teenage daughter, I am trying to think what my mama would do in these sort of situation. How was I as 13, 16, 18? How did mama handle my requests for tea dances at Piccadilly, or purported bbq at a friends place or even sleepover at Bff’s? How could have my mother said yes to any of these things because I certainly had sleepless nights debating the pros and cons over my daughter attending a movie in broad daylight! I seem to recall when I became a mother I vowed I would be a cool one. One that my children could hangout with and tell me everything. Now all of a sudden I feel like smothering them with the smell of my armpits for the rest of their lives or at least mine. How did I become so uncool? So unlike my mama?

As a mother naturally and instinctively you would want to protect your children from harms way, be it from a freak accident or teenage crushes, especially those! But no matter how many arms and legs you could extend, you couldn’t possibly be there for all these times. Back in the day, I have managed to break my arm, had a couple of bicycle accidents, got shipped to boarding school, toured Malaysia for tennis tournaments with boys in my team and attended birthday parties on a school night. How did my mama not have a heart attack? (Allah bless her soul!) I know you’re looking down at me, Ma… Probably laughing out loud up in heaven saying “that’s just the tip of the ice berg” I have not yet experienced the back talk or the rolling of the eyes or slamming of the door. Oh boy am I in for a ride!

I can no longer sneak up to mama’s room to ask for her advise, coz she’s not there anymore. And I miss her terribly as I write this post. I want so much to know what to do if ever my daughter asks me if she could go bungee jumping or something crazy like that. Or how do I raise a boy? Are they the same as raising girls? You know… Petty things like that. Things that you would normally just take for granted your mom would always and forever be there for.

As I grope my way on how to be a good mummy, I have been blessed with loving kepochee aunties whom would steer me in what we hope is the right way. I can already see them at the corner of my eye every time I’m about to make a “mummy decision” and in their case silence means you’re in trouble! I guess I wanna be the kind of mummy that my children can trust. Trust that they will be grounded if they cross the line. And trust that they will be loved even if they fail, only to know that I would always believe they can eventually find success. So I guess my job for now if to build trust.